Facing My Fears

As a child I never learned how to swim and it has always been one of my regrets. I have  always wondered why I never go the opportunity to learn. I guess it was never considered a priority and hence I  never did. I love watching swimming (the sport) and have always admired swimmers and how good they are - they make it look so easy. But I have a fear of water.

Back in January a friend made a joke saying that if I was not careful I would be the girl to always pass the drinks to others whilst they are having fun in the water swimming. That joke awakened something in me and right then and then I made the decision I was going to learn how to swim.
One day I want to be able to swim with my children and not just wait by the pool side watching. I guess you know what I am going to say next ...right?
I started swimming lessons on the 5th of August and so far so good. The water is not so bad, I can do this.. it might take a bit of time but hey I am determined.

Just When I Thought All Was Lost

I have been searching... no hunting yes hunting for a certain book for years. When I was about 7 years old I won a book prize at school. I kept that book for years until I was an adult. But because I moved a lot since completing university and my parents did their own house clearings getting rid of stuff over the years the book got lost. Of course, sentimental me was devastated when I couldn't find it on one of my trips home. My other childhood books including The Secret Garden were still there and I just couldn't understand how that one got lost. I had been hoping that it would be one of the books which I would pass on to my children one day. So I came up with a plan...I would buy the book and keep it to share with my kids one day. Aha as it were it turned out that I had forgotten the name of the book. All I remembered was that it was about a magpie who liked shiny things, a wishing well and a little girl who wished for a present to give to someone.

I tried to search on the internet using these and different phrases but my search turned out nothing on my particular book. Disheartening as it was, I was in denial that the internet with all its vastness would not have any information or at least the cover of the book. I knew if I saw the cover I would recognize it. I tried again and again. I had almost given up hope of ever remembering or finding it when the other day I decided to put time periods of when the book could have been possibly published (e.g 1970s, 1980s) and whala, one of the imagines caught my attention. I had found my book. I was so stunned such that I was speechless and frozen for awhile. After years of searching and trying to remember my moment had finally come. After that nothing and no one could remove the smile from my face.

Image from Pinterest.

This is the book. I am going to find it and buy it. One day I am going to share it with my kids. I am adding it to the list. My kids better be avid readers, shame they already have a number of books waiting for them :) :). Kids one of the things you should know is that your mama is book crazy!

Take My Breath Away

I am always on the look out for inspiration and beautiful things, the other day I came across one such thing. I know that one day I will be able to feel this way about some little sweet being/s . I saw this in one shop when I was shopping with a pregnant friend and I knew that one day I would want to have this up on my babe/s bedroom wall. Enough said.

A Future Mum's Dream





Picture from here

History was my favourite subject when I was in High School. When I was reading history it was more than an academic experience for me. I would enter the world of King Lobengula, Shaka the Zulu, Peter the Great, Napoleon, the Renaissance and Reformation. I loved it. 
  

Today I am still very much of a reader. Reading is my get away, the place I can unwind and I get to chill out. This is one of the reasons why I try as much as possible to avoid reading sad books. There is already too much sadness in real life and taking a break from it all through reading is worth it for me. I know it sounds crazy but I secretly long that my children will also be readers like me. I already have a list of some of my favorite the books which I would love to read to them or for them to read on their own:

1.       Heidi by Johanna Spyri – this book started a long term longing which I still have even today. I will share more about that in another post.

2.       The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett – I won this book when I was 7 as a prize at school. I still have the copy somewhere at home, just need to go through all my old stuff.

3.       What Katy Did by Sarah Chauncey Woolsey – I enjoyed this so much that when I saw it in a bookstore a few years back I bought a copy.

4.       The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis - I remember reading the book first and the some Anglican priest and his wife coming to our school and showing us the movie.  Both made a big impression on me.

5.       Annie of Green Gables and all the subsequent books on the life of Annie by Lucy Maud Montgomery - I was introduced to this book my friend Ruth who also bought me my very own copy which I treasure.  I don’t know how I never read this when I was young. Anyhow it makes my list.

6.       Little Women by Louisa May Alcott – Although this book made me sad especially when Beth died. I still love it and I think it is a beautiful classic.

7.       Pippi Longstocking by Astrid Lindgren – came across this one when I was in Sweden and thought it was another great children’s book.

So many good books out there and the list could get too long because this future mamma has big dreams for her children. Any good books anyone?

Hello Lord

Once in a while I come across a song that expresses exactly where I am at and what I am feeling. It would seem like the song  was written with me in mind. I came across this song and I instantly fell in love with it - it describes so well the place I am at. Here are the lyrics - so beautiful:

Hello Lord by Sara Groves from the album Conversations

Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, cuz
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering

Yes, I am going through stuff and I have been praying and asking God for guidance. I can't seem to hear Him speaking to me. All I seem to hear is silence. I am faltering. I feel like I am stuck, stuck in one place and I just don't know how to get unstuck. Could it be that He is whispering???

Confessions of a Somebody

From the title of my blog post I am sure you  can tell that I am going to make a confession of some sort. Well here goes.

For a long time I never understood those people who dance (whether or not they are the only ones doing so in the congregation) and go as far as to to cry in church especially during praise and worship. Talk about those people who shout out whether in agreement or because they are touched  by something - I found it embarrassing and at times even thought they were showing off. I would always say to myself  that I would never be caught doing such, why embarrass myself I would argue.

I have a friend who was like that, my word he was on fire. He was not apologetic when it came to the things of God. I am not sure if I told him at some point but I thought he was over doing it and I tended to be a bit embarrassed when he started doing his thing. I just didn't understand, I had no idea, I never knew it was possible to love so deep, to give one self in reckless abandon to God and not care what other people think.

Fast forward to the present day I have realized that I am becoming that person. Lately I have found my self in  another world during praise and worship oblivious of everyone and everything around  me, dancing, singing my heart out and lifting my hands in praise to my Father. Unbelievably, at times I am one of those two or three people doing that and I do not even feel embarrassed (even though I have occasionally seen questioning glances my way), I just respond to what I feel. If I feel like dancing for my God then I do it, sometimes I am so awed by His greatness and goodness such that I can not help but sing my heart out for Him or shout. Yes, it looks like I am becoming one of those people. Believe me even I am surprised I have become that person but oooooh I love my Father very much. 

Heya the love I am feeling for God these days is like a fire in my heart. Oh, now I understand my friend and all those people I thought were overdoing it and I think I can even understand it where the Bible says that David danced before the Lord such that his wife was embarrassed and rebuked him (2 Samuel 6:16-23).When you know what you know or have seen what you have seen nothing can hold you back from giving  all of you in reckless abandon to God. Now I know better than to say I will never do that.